The Day I Became A Father (Not a Dad)

So this is when it hit me. Not when I got the news we were pregnant. Not when we did the gender reveal. Not after seeing my wife in labor all night. Not while being in the surgery room with her (I didn’t faint by the way). Not even when I cut the umbilical cord, I still didn’t feel any different.

I always thought something would click and I don’t know somehow I would be overwhelmed with love and care for this tiny human my wife and I made but if I am being honest with myself I didn’t feel any different. I was aware of the responsibility that comes with being a father and starting a family. I understood the financial implications and already looked up all the costs of diapers, formula, and everything in between. I even prayed and fasted for the Lord to give me grace and wisdom on how to raise her in His path. But still, I didn’t feel something I thought I should have.

But when I walked back to our room, and they handed me the most precious little person I’ve ever met. That’s when it hit me. I’m a father. These unexplainable emotions filled my racing heart. So we sat there; in the middle of the room, just the two of us. A completely clueless and helpless me, holding something God made through my wife and me. Then I realized the love of a father is different. And while holding Stella I felt and understood the heavenly Father’s love differently too. Through her, I felt Him in such a unique way. I felt Him through each portion of this new journey and know His grace will abound for what’s to come. Thank you for this amazing gift, Jesus. Yet another one to be thankful for. You’re amazing.